This is the Pint Sized Review, and today we come back to our last part of our tour of Steele Street Brewing in Ionia, MI! There are not one, not two, but three parts that came before this, so take a look at those before we get lost in the dreamy eyes of these next two pints.

My much, much better half Kate, my producer Geoff, and my sloppy ass took the trip out to Ionia to see our friend Logan and steal everything he had on him and then take the beer right out of his taps. He didn’t have much except some lyrics for some new songs for a band I guess. That’s cool if you’re into that sort of thing.

By this point in our tour, I was feeling more than a little tipsy, and with that I become adventurous. There were two beers on the board that I had my eyes on, so I pointed at Logan and said, “Guh! Ugh!” He picked two beers at random and said, “Sir, you’re going to have to leave after this.”

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You’re closed when I say you’re closed. Fascist. 

Aren’t I supposed to be talking about beer?

Golden Coffee Ale

This is Arland’s Sozo Smooth Golden Coffee Ale. That’s a lot of words for a title. What is this, a U2 album?

Looking at this, it looks like a jar of honey. It looks like Pooh bear is about to have a 12 step program.

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This isn’t cute, Pooh bear. You’ve got a damn disease. Get your life in order.

This smells like nickel. I’ve no idea why. Just like a mine site with less diesel fumes.

Going in for a sip though, this beer tastes like a light roast coffee. Ever have Starbucks Blonde Roast? That’s this, but illegal to drink in school zones.

This is a super smooth coffee beer with Steele Street’s trademark prickly carbonation. It doesn’t have that malty roast of a stout or a porter… I don’t think I’ve ever had a beer quite like this. It’s light and refreshing with a kick of the Colombian GoGo Bean. Very much like iced coffee or cold brew coffee in that it’s super light on the acidic qualities.

giphy3Mathematical! 

I don’t know what else to say about this. It’s amazing, and I wish they had this in cans. This would go great as a first-sip-of-the-morning beer or sitting around a campfire. Go get this before it’s gone!

 

… so after this coffee ale and four other beers, I decided that good decisions are for people who don’t blog for a living and I like typing about my feelings. I said out loud to my peers, “Five beers isn’t enough gas for this tank. Bring me my final chalice!”

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Kate hit me, then passed me a snifter glass of the last beer of our tour.

Ladies and Gentlemen… The Hot Brazilian.

Hot Brazilian

LOOK AT ITS GLORY. IT’S LIKE LOOKING AT GANDALF STARK NAKED. So glorious, and  yet unsettling.

I apologize to you readers already, because this is where everything starts to fall apart.

Looking at the beer, it looks very similar to the M-66 pale ale. Golden with a bit of foamy head right up there at the head spot. Taking a sniff of this beer my eyes began to water. The aroma cleared my sinuses better than me clearing my browser history when I hear the police coming down the hallway. It’s like an alcoholic neti-pot. 

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In that moment I should have known that my world was about to change.

 

It tasted…

 

Have you ever had ice cream? Like, high quality ice cream that gently coats your palate and comforts all of your taste buds into a sensation of floating, as if you’re on a cloud?

This is nothing like that.

Kate-After

In Kate’s words, “OH F***!!! It’s spicy on the throat! I need ranch!”

This beer was brewed with Brazilian scorpion peppers. If you’ve never seen one of those, they look like a Hobbit’s little peepee being strangled by vines after desiccating in the sun. They taste about the same, too. No more questions, thank you.

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They look cold.

Drinking this beer is a goddamn experience. It feels like I put a bag of flaming hot cheetos, Frank’s Red Hot, and magma from Mount Doom into a blender. But despite the extreme spice of it, it was SO. DAMN. TASTY.

Kate: MAKE IT STOP! My lungs feel spicy! I’m gonna take a flaming shit!

This beer should absolutely be featured by Sean Evans from First We Feast on his show Hot Ones. The show with hot questions and even hotter wings.  

Hot Shit

This is probably the least quenching beer I’ve ever had. It is a ton of fun to drink, though. I feel my skin sloughing off of my tongue.

I highly recommend pairing this beer with Charmin, Charmin wet wipes, and Charmin with aloe infusion. The episode could’ve been sponsored by Charmin, but they refuse to return my calls. Instead this episode is brought to you by Scott bulk toilet rolls. Because my ass is on a budget in every way.

IN A NUTSHELL!

 

Steele Street Brewing is an amazing brewery with fantastic beer, wonderful staff, clever styles of brews, and an unassuming disposition. Don’t let the outside optics fool you, these guys have an exciting future ahead of them and know what they’re doing. Keep an eye out for when they start to distribute, but until then make your way to Ionia, find Logan, hug and touch him (he loves it when strangers touch him) and try everything you can get your hands on.

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Cheers, Salud, Slainte, Prost, down the hatch!

 

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