Welcome back to Part 3 of our tour of Steele Street Brewing in Ionia, Michigan! You’re reading The Pint Sized Review, and if you haven’t read parts 1 and 2, stop immediately and do it now!
… did you read them?
… I trust you. The last time I trusted someone, though, I woke up in a bathtub filled with ice and stitches in my side.
My wife Kate, my producer Geoff, and myself took a trip to Ionia to drink the dranks until drunk. I stared into the eyes of Logan, our spirit guide and said, “SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.”
Oh he showed me. He showed me everything. And it. Was. Schwifty.
This pint was the Raspberry F.O.C.U.S., what that acronym stands for nobody knows. It’s but a legend that is whispered upon the winds of farmlands across central Michigan.
I want you to keep in mind that this was my third pint in about 20 minutes. Just a normal Sunday for me, I suppose. It’s a job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
The beer was a golden amber hue (kind of a running theme with beer, eh?). No significant head to speak of, prickly-looking carbonation, and NO SMELL.
The hell is going on? My sniffer sucks this time around. Sorry, folks.
Going in for the sip, I’m not going to lie. This surprised me. Have you ever had Dark Horse Raspberry? It’s similar, but like an alternate dimension version. This beer is Goatee Spock. The raspberry flavoring is almost overpowering, and as it warms up I can start to smell it. It’s so sweet, but not sickly. No corn-syrup flavoring at all. Just straight up Ocean Spray for the 1%.
The comparision is, as one should say, logical.
Kate: Oooo! Me Likey. This is berrylicious.
We found a winner, folks!
Geoff: This is super refreshing. This would be a great summer beer. It’s not an onslaught of berries like Rubaeus. God, I just wanna gargle this.
Gargle away my friend.
I recommend pairing this with friends, if you got any. If you can’t make your own friends, store-bought is fine.
You know what? Screw splitting this into another part. Let’s move right along to our next pint!
The fourth beer we had in a half-hour was Ole Punkin’ Head! A fall beer inspired by Pinterest and college sophomores the world over.
I think they just reused an old Prego jar for this. Way to recycle, gentlemen! Captain Planet is pitching a tent over this.
My reactions were dulled and impaired at this point. Kate immediately grabbed this from my hands.
Kate: Oh. Oh f*** yeah. This smells like a Bath and Bodyworks candle. This is festive AF. I need my vest and tall brown boots and a selfie stick.
I love fall!
Han: I know.
Still Kate: Guys, I don’t even like beer, but I like this a lot.. But I could be an idiot, so who knows.
STILL Kate: God, I feel like this beer lets my basic bitch out to breathe!
Horror movie monsters love basic bitches, just not when they’re breathing.
Geoff: This tastes like a liquid Bob Ross painting in a glass. I just wanna paint happy little trees. I could live in this shit.
I hadn’t even tried this beer at that point.
Ole Punkin’ Head looked like an amber-brown in color. Reminded me of autumn leaves ready to crack off the branch. Like delicious leaf juice.
Nature dropping it like it’s hot.
Taking a sniffle of the stuff, there’s no mistaking it. This smells like the fall-est of candles. If I could set this on fire, it’d fill the room with, just, like, ugh, literally. The best.
Tasting this beer, it feels like I’m filtering the water collected in the back of a haunted hayride. Or, perhaps, licking the floor of a Starbuck after a sorority simultaneously fell down after receiving their orders.
If you control the pumpkin spice, you control the universe from September to early December.
Out of all the pumpkin flavored beers I’ve ever had, this is the best by far. Honestly, though, I don’t like pumpkin beers! But this one… this one won’t make me lose my gourd.
Kate: It’s a little too spooky! I think this needs ice cream.
I recommend pairing this beer with back to school shopping, leggings, and music by Billy Corgan.
That’s it for today! We have one more part with two more pints! I’ll see you then.