Miller Lite

Pint Sized Review? MILLER TIME, BITCHES! Today’s batch of bubbles comes from the world famous Miller Lite by … Miller.

Miller Lite

“Get your filthy paws off my beer!” Badger screamed at me, sending me away in tears. 

This comes in a recognizable can with a damn screw top like a can of Monster. Lifted truck with truck nuts not included, but highly recommended.

I cracked the working man’s brew and I got that old familiar favorite smell- a good ol’ can of maize mashed between what I’d assume are donkey tooth dentures. Man, if I could harvest that scent and put in in a perfume, cologne, or other frangance to be sold at a Younkers of yesteryear I’d abso-freaking-lutely would not.


I poured some out for my homies, then I poured some in the glass. Then I gave Badger some. He grew a mullet, called me gay, then kicked me in the shin only because he can’t reach high enough to kick me in the crotch.

This stuff is a sort of magic.

When I poured the drink it was a crisp, pale golden color as you’d expect. Has about as much head as the Horseman of Sleepy Hollow. Pretty little bubbles.

I smelled it again because sure. You know what I got? Badger, sneaking up behind me trying to steal my beer. Dude, the fridge is full of beer, just get one yourself, you thumbless bastard.

giphy6

 

I took a taste of the standby, and it tastes just like… just like…. well, if you’ve already read my review of Coors Light, then you know exactly what this is going to say. Malty, sweet corn that was frozen and thawed and suckled on ever-so-gently by cherubs and momma-birded into the mouths of babes. Like mashed up grains that get the party pumping… at 4.2%.

These big breweries make consistent batches of beer in insane quantities because they have the science down, for one, but the taste just isn’t there because it is physically impossible to make mass produced beer using the best ingredients at an affordable price that is even remotely appetizing to those of us who have to work for a living. The math just doesn’t add up any other way.

This is how the best grains are harvested. 

Truth is, though… I love this beer. Well, I don’t LOVE it, but you give it to me and I’ll give you an empty bottle back. Best paired with ice skates, pickup truck beds, and being covered in dirt and mud. And probably some chipped teeth.

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