Welcome back to another Pint Sized Review! Today we’re going to try a beer from a brewery I’ve never heard of before: The Magic Dragon Sour by Connecticut Valley Brewing Company!

No dragons reside in our home. Just a mint-condition tie-dyed Iggy Beanie Baby (with tag protector, not pictured).

What attracted me to this? First, the art style on the can reminds me of an old Impressionist painting my parents had in our living room. The second thing is that it has the word “Dragon” in the name. 

There are two kinds of people when you hear the phrase “The Magic Dragon.” There are the hippies that start singing some soft-ass campfire bullshit, then there are those of us with power levels over 9000. 

Toonami was good stuff, man.

Alrighty, guys, power up to Kaio-ken x10, take your senzu beans, and let’s rock. 

This shouldn’t take more than 24 episodes.

“On a cold winter morning, in the time before the light/In flames of death’s eternal reign, we ride towards the fight” –Through the Fire and Flames, Dragonforce

After gathering the 7 Dragon Balls pouring this beer, it’s impossible to say that it doesn’t look like kool-aid. The red kind. I know when I made Kool-aid growing up, it was crunchy. 

RAINING BLOOOOOD!

It looks like that drink that came in single-use plastic bottles. Mondo! 

Yeah! That’s the stuff! F*** the environment! Captain Planet’s a bitch!

The head on this was frothy and pink (like a punctured lung) that stuck around for quite some time (unlike patients with a punctured lung)! 

“Can’t explain all the feelings that you’re making me feel!” –I Believe in a Thing Called Love, The Darkness

Sniffing this beer exudes something not unlike kiwi kombucha or like spiked punch. I can almost smell the sprite added to a punch bowl and the plastic ladle used to scoop it out at my 8th birthday. 

You know, I just realized there were tons of empty Everclear bottles at my birthdays growing up. Huh.

It’s such an inviting aroma. No hops at all, just juice and fruit and citrusy notes that make me drool with anticipation. It’s like smelling an open-air market at the equator. 

I feel that at any moment a car chase will destroy the fruit stand…

“Shao-lin Shadow-boxing… and the Wu-Tang Sword Style.” –Bring da Ruckus, Wu-Tang Clan

This flavor ain’t nothing to f*** wit. This tastes much more tart than the smell would allude to. There’s a sourness which I can’t quite say screams lactic acid, which is different from most kettle sours I’ve had, and then you get what I would’ve assumed to be blood orange and underripe kiwi. 

Kiwi slaughterhouses must smell delightful.

It’s got about as much bite as a chihuahua on uppers. 

RHEE RHEE RHEE.

It’s like drinking a punch bowl with fruit slices left in the fridge over night and kind of fermented a little. 

OH MY GOD this would be so good in a bowl with a few floating scoops of Superman ice cream.

“It keeps on giving me chills, but I know now/I feel the closer we get to the last bow.” –Dance Macabre, Ghost

This beer has a wonderful mouthfeel to it. It’s medium-bodied and.. well, shit, fine, it’s like drinking Kool-aid. That’s it. 

This is sour Hawaiian Punch and I can’t be convinced otherwise. 

Not going to lie, this may be where my lack of respect for authority comes from.

It’s such an opposite of the smell. When I smell it it smells cool, refreshing, citrusy and summery, and while all of those scents absolutely translate into the flavor, it’s immediately followed up by a sour tartness and dry finish. It feels like a rug being pulled from under me, but I don’t fall on my face. More like I Tommy-Boy’ed a table on the way and it broke my fall… not what I was expecting, but pretty awesome. 

So cool.

None of this takes away from this beer. In fact, I’d argue that it’s one of the defining traits of this. I get a shiver with almost every sip. 

“Come ride with me through the veins of history.” –Knights of Cydonia, Muse

I’ve had sour beers that taste like an Atomic Warhead, I’ve had sours that instantly gave me canker-sores all along my gums like I’ve been chewing tobacco for 30 years. I’ve had sours that came with a sidecar of Pepto Bismol. 

This is far better than all of them. 

Actual footage of CVBC’s brewers.

It’s tart without being torturous, sweet without being sickening, refreshing without feeling like you need to drink it all in one gluttonous slug. This is a perfectly balanced sour beer, and adding the dragonfruit and passionfruit is genius on the part of the brewers. 

If you love beer, you’ll love this change of pace. If you don’t love beer, chances are you’ll love this because it feels like it should be served at children’s birthday parties and I can guarantee the next time little Malakai has his spin around the sun, I’m gonna be in the corner pretending I’m not tanked with a dixie cup filled with this. 

Cheers to that, just don’t drive your Power Wheels after that, ok? You can keep it parked next to my tricycle.

This beer is awesome. I recommend pairing this with Superman ice cream, humid days, mofongo, lunchables (Kiddy Charcuterie), and passing out at a 4th birthday party. 

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… this one’s for the nerds. Love you.

I grew up super nerdy and into comics, cartoons, and scifi and all the like. Now I’m super nerdy about all of that and beer. Got a brew you want to share with me? I take submissions and donations to the cause! Email me at dennis@thepintsizedreview.com or shoot me a message on any of my social media accounts. You can follow me on Twitter @drinkpintsized, Instagram @thepintsizedreview, or the way your parents get their news: on Facebook. Just search “The Pint Sized Review” and you’ll find me. Donate on our Patreon, and if you can’t please like, share our posts, and join the mailing list so you always know when we are putting out some stupid stuff for a laugh and maybe, just maybe, some education.

Peace!

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