Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls! Step right up and experience the horror, the freaky, the so-macabre-you-can’t-look-away spectacle side show that is The Pint Sized Review! Run, don’t walk! This week we bring you…

Cotton Candy Haze by Big Lake Brewing!

Feast Your Eyes!

This beer comes out hazy (truth in advertising). The head looks soapy and foamy, like my favorite wrestling matches. Straw-like cloudiness, sort of like a color-corrected L.A. smog, but I can still see through it if I hold it up to the light. 

Or like most dorm rooms.

A Bit On the Nose…

I wish I had a big red clown nose to make this funnier, but with no jokes or comedic writing, this actually smells like cotton candy. That sugary, saccharine smell that makes you feel lightheaded like a clown used his Spanish Fly on you. It sort of smells like the water in a mop bucket at a candy shop.

Two Cannibals are Eating a Clown, One Asks, “…Does This Taste Funny to You?”

Tasting this I… I don’t get it. Not that I don’t like it, it’s just bonkers. It legitimately has a cotton candy taste. Like, I can almost feel that I can parse out the individual strands of the carnival favorite from this pint.

Visual representation of my tastebuds.

But then it’s followed with a hoppy, stanky, bitter flavor that you usually get from NEIPAs. Citra hops I feel come into full view with that classic armpit flavor that’s immediately bitchslapped by the fairground front end. 

It tastes like fellating a clown in a petting zoo. Kinda funny. Kinda stinky. All sorts of wrong, but who am I to judge?

I’m just a guy on his knees in front of a grease-painted grifter.

You know, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t completely off my mark on this beer, as it’s been selling like crazy around town. So I did a quick search online and… cotton candy haze is actually a strain of marijuana. 

Have you ever, like, just looked at your hands, man?

This makes more sense now. I don’t think they were going for a circus vibe, but as sure as Danny DeVito has to wear a ridiculously oversized hat in every Tim Burton movie, that’s what I take from this brew. 

He probably doesn’t even read the script. He just gets an owl with a letter saying Timmy needs him, grabs a hat from his collection, and walks out the door heading for the most black-and-white region of the country the features the starkest of environments.

Even with this unique adjunct used, this feels like every other hazy beer I’ve ever had from Big Lake. Slightly slick, clings to the sides of my mouth. Like a greased up carny wrestling a contortionist just holding on for dear meth. 

Should I Buy It?

I mean… I like it. It’s like a relationship I had once. It was all sweet and cute and fun and sickeningly adorable and then it quickly became bitter like the back of your knees after you’ve been sweating in wool pants during the summer in the bayou of Louisiana. 

Point is, just like this beer in my glass, it didn’t last.

This beer is good! Like a three ring circus, this delights and surprises and disturbs. Raise the curtain on a few of these and pair it with structurally questionable thrill rides, mermaids of Fiji, and products available in Washington, Colorado, California, Vermont, Michigan, Oregon, Nevada, Massachusetts, Maine, Washington D.C., and Alaska as of 2019.

Next time you ride rest assured that these were put together by people who can’t spell the word “Engineer.”

No animals were harmed in the creation of this post, but goddamn a lot of animal crackers bit the dust. Got a brew you want to share with me? I take submissions and donations to the cause! Email me at dennis@thepintsizedreview.com or shoot me a message on any of my social media accounts. You can follow me on Twitter @drinkpintsized, Instagram @thepintsizedreview, or the way your parents get their news: on Facebook. Just search “The Pint Sized Review” and you’ll find me. Donate on our Patreon, and if you can’t please like, share our posts, and join the mailing list so you always know when we are putting out some stupid stuff for a laugh and maybe, just maybe, some education. 

Peace!

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