Welcome back to another Pint Sized Review featuring yours truly: Me. Me drinking beer by myself while my wife watches some sort of gratuitous anime in the background.

This review is brought to you by Dragon’s Milk Reserve: Oatmeal Cookie edition by New Holland Brewing Company! If you’ve never had anything from New Holland, don’t beat yourself up. They are only one of the largest craft breweries in the nation making not just award-winning beers, but also fantastic and drool-worthy spirits. AND it’s made right down the road from my apartment, which is badass in theory, not so badass for my wallet.

Let’s dive into this beer! A bit to know, Dragon’s Milk is an imperial stout that’s also a flagship beer for New Holland. Lately they’ve been gettin’ pretty weird with it by releasing variants of this famous drink, and the Oatmeal Cookie is one of them.

Pouring this beer, it looks like flat-ass cola afflicted by Sleepy Hollow syndrome: no head. Seriously, there’s no carbonation at all in this. It’s as bubbly as a depressed banker locked in a dark closet.

Ever milk a dragon? You can milk anything with nipples. This mythical moo juice smells like faint cinnamon and definitely has the aroma of grandma’s kitchen after a long day of milking wyrms and drakes. As it warms up a bit I get a sense of sweet oatmeal and brown sugar and raisin off the scent. Just like Grandma Targaryen used to make back on the dragon ranch.

C’mon, that joke was gold!

Try not to picture your abuela yanking on reptile teets. I said don’t do it. You did it, didn’t you? Nice.

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to drink Dragon’s Milk, you know it gives you +4 to magic and refills your HP completely. This doesn’t disappoint in that way, but if I may be quite frank about the taste of the oatmeal cookie? I don’t pull that flavor too heavily. It’s there but like… a specter of an oatmeal cookie. It’s an imperial stout with oatmeal cookie ghosts in it. Still has coffee-like roasted flavors and dark chocolate chunks (I mean, it’s not chunky. I’d question this if it were chunky. I’m chunky. Question me). There’s a vanilla streak running in there as well, but it’s not nearly as strong as the other flavors and could come off as artificial.

But boy oh boy, do I breathe out some fire with this. On the exhale there’s definitely booze. Just booze.

I just had Kate try this beer. She said nothing to me before, during, or after her tasting.

As far as mouthfeel goes it feels… thick and oily. And like a melted Hershey bar that has a high enough proof to use as ordnance in an inner city riot. Like drinking chocolate scotch.

Overall, this is great beer! But if you’re thinking you’ll be drinking straight cookie dough… well, you won’t be disappointed because you’re still drinking a really good beer. I think this pairs with mutton, running a DnD campaign with Grandma, playing hooky from work, and waking at the crack of dawn to milk legendary beasts from their scaly mammaries.

###