This week’s Pint Sized Review is brought to you b- WHAT IS THAT? Yo, look at this freak show!
*Greatest Showman soundtrack intensifies*
The beer we are going balls-deep with today is Hazel’s Nuts by Odd Side Ales in Grand Haven, Michigan! Did you know they took gold for one of their beers at the Great American Beer Festival? Michigan’s got it going on.
So, when I poured this from the bottle it poured like flat Coca-Cola with no hiss or bubbling at all. Looking at the glass made me feel like I decanted a liquid black hole with no light penetrating its massive density. And just like the bearded lady on the label, I couldn’t look away. Something alluring about it…
All women on my mother’s side basically look like this.
Getting a nose-full of her nuts, I smell… candy. This beer smells just like a candy bar with (you guessed it) hazel nuts. There’s really no joke here, it’s super sweet on the nose, bitterness coming from a dark chocolate sensation. If there are bourbon notes I can’t whip any out at this time.
I do not smell what The Rock is distilling.
*Nanoseconds after taking a mouthful* JESUS CHRIST. This tastes like a dream I had that made me uncomfortable at first but then I realized I was totally into it. You can tell that it was aged in bourbon barrels by that whiskey bite, but it’s so understated with the blowout of big ol’ nuts in your mouth. It’s like a circus of flavors all coming together in no less than three rings. At 12%, you can barely put this to your lips without catching a buzz.
Feeling her out, it’s super decadent, like a dessert beer should be. Lightly carbonated with barely a prickle. I can see sipping this out of a coffee cup to avoid the prying eyes of soccer moms on the first Tuesday of every month as I stumble through the streets on my way home from the Downtown Development Authority meeting.
Don’t pretend you can’t relate.
Did I mention I’m instantly buzzed off of this? So much so, my sense of exhalasmell (when you smell/taste something as you exhale) is kinda shot. I imagine a smell not unlike those hazelnut coffee creamers you can get from the gas station that, for some reason, can and will remain shelf stable through a nuclear holocaust.
Cockroaches, Twinkies, those little creamers, and Betty White will be all that remains.
This is a damn good beer. More so than most. I’d easily put this in my top five dessert beers. I’d pair this with breakfast, insulin, elephants, and probably the dollar shave club. Go buy this immediately. Odd Side has done it again.
Editor’s Note: Thank you so much for being loyal fans! We at The Pint Sized Review are excited to be churning out more ridiculous reviews and suggestions, as well as comments and meanderings on the state of craft beer and the culture it breeds. We’ll be talking with brewers, bartenders, and fans all over the world to give them a platform to say what they mean and convey why they love beer so much. Stay tuned!