Welcome back to another Pint Sized Review! Tonight’s main event is brought to you by Grain Belt Premium Beer by August Schell Brewing Company, a brewery with a history that spans all the way back to pre-Prohibition (1893) in fact. Back then it was the Minnesota Brewing Company, and we all know that Midwesterners didn’t give a blatantly aimless hump about what the government said you can and can’t do with alcohol. Let’s begin!
I wish more things came in 16 ounce cans, like coffee. Or whiskey. Or spam.
I snapped open the can to a very unspamlike scent and a very satisfying *pssstkersnapity* onamonapia.
Pouring into the glass you can see that it looked like everything that comes out of a tap in Minnesota. Yellow, with a big soapy head that goes all the way up the glass dissipating quite rapidly. It honestly almost looks like a cider to me. But ciders are for instagram influencers and Irishmen and people with gluten-intolerances and really just for everyone of legal drinking age.
I only have one word for what I can smell: Malt-forward-AF.
After tasting it, it tastes like beer. That’s my description. It’s a good crispy boi that honestly is so non-offensive even Kate would like it.
*insert cartoony noises of my wife yelling at me that she doesn’t like beer in the background*
With the mouthfeel, it’s as if the liquid wants to stick around, but the carbonation dries it up instantly. It’s like a huge biker-viking at the bar covered in tattoos and wears a leather vest, but buys you a few shots and talks about how switching to White Claws helped him keep his weight under control. Confusing, intimidating, and awesome.
There’s a GIF for that.
It’s malty without being cream-of-corny; flavorful and quenching. I… I just really like this. I get why it’s called “The Big Friendly.”
Upon the exhale, it smell/tastes like how I imagine Hopper from Stranger Thing’s breath smells like, and it gives me a comfort somehow. Like I’m safe in my wood-paneled trailer playing board games and reading comics and slowly experimenting with my psionic powers. I’m going to keep the door open three inches in his honor.