Welcome back to another edition of The Pint Sized Review! Today we are joined by my good friend Geoff as we knock back a pint of Slurm Lord by Short’s Brewing Company, a Double New English Style India Pale Ale.

Not only did Geoff take a gorgeous picture, but there’s a sexy Easter Egg in the picture. First person who finds it gets a free pint from Kate. 

Why Slurm Lord? Because it’s highly addictive!

Actual footage of us drinking this beer.

This pint comes straight from the year 3000. When I poured it, it came out like Sunny D, with a nice and foamy head that disappeared quickly. Maybe not so much Sunny D, but like a can of orange juice concentrate. If you’ve ever had WIC, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Secret time! When I was a kid, I used to crack open a can of the ‘trate and just spoon it into my mouth like a pelican slapping back the feesh.

This shouldn’t remind me of childhood, and yet… 

On the nose it smells like bitter orange juice. Kind of like when you leave a bunch of oranges in your fruit basket too long and the flies decide to immigrate to your kitchen and away from the garbage. The aroma, honestly, isn’t all that strong. At least not to me. I should try snorting it.

After snorting it, it smells wet and stingy. Like, it might be in my eyes.

Looking at the pint glass again, it’s super cloudy. Weather channel style. Storm’s-a-brewing! If the sky looked like this, my ship would be safe at harbor.

Archival footage of my ancestors coming to the Caribbean 1701, colorized. 

OH MY GOD THIS TASTES LIKE SEX WITH LESS SWEAT.

It’s a double IPA and according to Short’s has their largest dry-hop of any beer they’ve made to date. Honestly, though, the bitterness is savagely undercut by the sweet citrus flavors punching their way through. Like when Uma Thurman punched her way out of a coffin in Kill Bill, but the coffin is made out of hops and Uma Thurman is an orange that knows kung fu.

The thing I get with NEIPAs in the mouthfeel is always like as if I’ve become a filter feeder. I feel like a blue whale straining krill from the ocean with the texture. I also feel like a whale because I ate six cookies and I’m eyeing up some more.

Me on the internet. This is a livestream.

This beer is, as you would have it, highly addictive. It’s 7.7%, so just enough to keep the buzz going for a few pints! Between the two of us we have a six pack, and I’m sorry Geoff, if you touch any of the rest of these beers you’re fired. Slurms McKenzie would be proud if he were alive today.

I recommend pairing this with a fist fight in a country club, a show kind of like The Simpsons, and Bachelor Chow.

Keep on partying. 

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OH SHIT GEOFF IS HERE.

… he may be dead. He drank the rest. Geoff, if you make it through this, you’re fired.