Hi. This is going to be a mini review. A pint-sized Pint Sized Review. Why?
Because I got totally obliterated, drank some fancy beers, and accidentally shaved my beard off.
“I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me.” –My Own Worst Enemy, Lit
My good friend, Soren, the head brewer of Brewery 4 Two 4 gave me a few beers to try.
He said, “Hey, Dennis. Here’s some beers to try.”
To which I replied, “Thanks! What are they?”
“They are dumb!” Soren retorted with a twisted smile upon his face.
“These beers,” clarified the brewer, “I made them out of breakfast cereal. One’s made with Coco Puffs. The other with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. They are Imperial Pastry Stouts, they are 15% ABV, and they are dumb.”
And, dear readers, so am I.
“I fell straight into your arms like a drunk who’s been on it all morning/And the sun’s up and my head’s f***ed.” –Cocoon, Catfish and the Bottlemen
So, everything is quarantined and nobody can do anything except play Animal Crossing, get blasted, and bang after shaking the cheeto dust off your fingers. So we were playing Animal Crossing, running out of cheetos and I thought, “Hey! Let’s try these dumb beers. How bad of a decision could this be?”
You should know that when you drink beers as big as these, you should eat something other than gas station snacks.
Anyhow, they were delicious. Fluff N’ Puff smelled exactly like a bowl of Coco Puffs and Fluff N’ Crunch smelled exactly like Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the only differences were that instead of milk being poured in the bowl it was melted marshmallow and all of tomorrow’s plans.
“No Grapenuts for Grandma/Mom likes Special K/You cant pinch an inch.” –Milk and Cereal, G. Love and Special Sauce
Every have an Imperial Stout? That’s what these are, but with that sugary, diabetic taste that’ll bring you right back to Saturday morning cartoons and possibly the hospital for dialysis. These are sweet, toasty, roasty, bombastic and huge. There’s no nuance, no subtlety, no refinement, no regrets. Just straight up boxes and boxes of cereal and marshmallows in a glass.
F*** yeah, these beers rule. 11/10 would shave again.
I’d pair these with literally any heavy meal and an escape plan from your own drunken ass.
Go support your local brewery! Now! Goddammit, stop reading and buy something, for the love of all that is holy!
Why are you still reading? What part of “Go buy beer from a local brewery” did you not understand? You’re keeping the whole industry alive, and that makes you exceptionally kickass!
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